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The knives – and forks – are out for McDonald’s but in a kindly way

"I am not surprised that they give you half a dozen napkins. A shower would be useful."

Editor’s note: Richard Spendlove, 84, is a much-loved former BBC radio presenter (his Saturday night show with music and phone-ins ran across at least seven local radio stations from 1989 to 2017). In 2000 he was awarded the MBE after a career that had included 35 years with the railways and also, with David Croft, writing the BBC comedy Oh Doctor Beeching! Until last week there was one thing he not done -popped into a McDonald’s.

Well, they DO say that life is full of new experiences…. for the first time ever (so far as I can recall) I went to a MacDonald’s today. I had heard the grandchildren and GREAT grandchildren talk about them. I was both hungry and lazy, so out came the jeep and off I went.

I don't think I shall eat again for a week.

I must admit that had it not been for a young lady, I would not have known where to start. She took care of me like a granddaughter.

Because of the complexities of actually getting the food, I probably won't go again. But that does not, in any way, detract from the meal. It probably has much more to do with my age.

The only downside to the meal itself, is that WERE I to go again, I should go armed with a knife and fork.

Picking up a massive bun, loaded with an extremely delicious sauce (of some kind) a massive burger, and half a hundredweight of mixed salad, without it going all over the table, is, I soon found out, 'an art in itself' I am not surprised that they give you half a dozen napkins. A shower would be useful.

The clientele was not what I expected. I arrived at 2.50pm and sitting a few tables from me was a young lady on the telephone. She was on it when I arrived and was still on it when at left 50 minutes later. I presume that someone other than her was paying for the cost of the calls.

Then there was a gentleman who arrived at almost the same time, and immediately opened his laptop. He too was still busy attending to his work when I departed. I never actually saw him either order anything or indeed eat anything.

Two obviously affluent business men arrived – one in a beautiful dark blue Jaguar and the other in a very 'swish Lexus'

Two things indicated them to be 'regulars' One was the way they both clearly managed to consume the meal, without most of it falling all over the table (which I certainly didn't) And the other was the size of their girth. They obviously 'dined there' on a regular basis. I truly didn't expect to see gentlemen of their apparent 'standing' amongst the customers, and I was absolutely wrong.

If I had a 'beef' and really, I don't, for God's sake give those who want/need them, knives, and forks…. I might then – quite easily – come again.

Some of us have evolved (over millions of years) to the point where we no longer eat with our fingers.

My thanks again to the young lady who did all the ordering for me.


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